I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
