Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
