I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So here I am, sexting at work.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
