my mouth tastes like poor choices
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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