I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just googled if crying burns calories
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
