so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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