Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you would pick up someone in the library
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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