I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it glows. i had to have it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
