he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
