Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
