i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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