Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
