Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Panties = found
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
