in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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