he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
