final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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