feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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