She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
