Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
