did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
