but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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