guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
