dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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