Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
