Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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