So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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