Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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