i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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