i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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