I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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