What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
