Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
