There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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