Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
