and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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