Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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