i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
