Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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