u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
