Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize