Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
