Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Randomize
