More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
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