it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
