thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
