At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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