I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
