some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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