I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
