he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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