hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
