standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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