I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
