pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
