i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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