i may or may not be watching the land before time
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize