im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
