It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
