I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
