he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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