i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
