Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
