You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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