I wannas sexs uuuuu
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
